Fear of rejection

Nothing causes anxiety like believing I’m being rejected. A feeling of belonging is one of the most important desires I have. The littlest ideas of rejection set off paranoia in me.  TIme for ABCDEF.

Activating Event: missed meeting because I was not sent the meeting room.

Irrational Belief: that they do it on purpose. They includes anyone who does these things in any form. It can be the simplest error, or the most innocuous event, like missing your turn in line at the store.

Consequences: I sit around convincing myself that they did it on purpose and that no one likes me. No one can tolerate me. They look for excuses not to include me.  I spend inordinate amounts of time worrying about what they think and how much they hate me. I feel upset, lonely and unloved. I blame it on being fat and feel even fatter when it happens. I also want to eat and stuff down the feelings.  God, I wish I knew how to defeat this forever. It’s killing me. I don’t mind having this feeling sometimes, because I think everyone does, but this is debilitating. I won’t do something if I don’t think I’ll be ok with it.

Dispute: 90% of the time, no one intends it. Mistakes they make are not even interpreted by them as anything someone would get upset about. Sometimes it is mild rejection, like the person who wouldn’t pair up with me for Red Cross training. No one wanted to touch me. But most of the time it’s not rejection at all. Today he simply forgot to send the location, and if he sent it later, he doesn’t have me on his mailing list. His mistake that he apparently has made before. It’s also not rejection if he never updates his list.

Even if it is rejection, who cares? People get rejected all the time and they survive.  People are self-centered - they aren’t going to spend their whole life making sure you are comfortable. People are also very insecure. You are not the only one who goes through life feeling rejected by nonsense. But you are NOT managing your reaction to it very well. That can be better.

Effective Action: Rationalize the feelings when they occur. Research how to deal with this. Rationalize the most likely real intentions of the people. Count to 10.  Toughen yourself up. Find a way to care for yourself to reassure yourself when the experience occurs. You love yourself, and don’t reject yourself. Give yourself the time to get over something.  You beat Failure Mom, you can beat this. Label the rejection feeling and yell at it.  Choose to ignore the feelings.

Feelings: somewhat better. My stomach is not so tight as before. I like the label and yelling. That was good for Failure Mom.