There are only 2 things I can control, and one of them I can only partially control.
- The choices I make (partial control)
- My response to the choices, both how I choose to feel and how I choose to act
For example, I have a meeting today that my colleague has not yet responded to. I can choose to be anxious or upset or calm, or whatever I want. He will do whatever he does. Sometimes the choices I make can change his response, but he still chooses how to respond to my choices. Yesterday I was very paranoid and anxious about things like this, anxious to an extreme. This kind of anxiety causes me a lot of grief. I suspect that my biggest problem is choosing an anxious response to any situation over a rational response.
The rational emotional response to anything is to choose to not get upset, because I cannot control life. The rational action is one that will move me closer to my long-term goals, not the emotion of the moment.
My training activity is to record my emotional choices and my action choices. In my palmtop, I have a document in which I record
Date - activating item - my chosen emotional response - my chosen action
We’ll see how well it leads to improved behavior.
