Screw layers of an onion, it’s a big fat layer cake!

We talk about peeling back layers of the onion to reveal new learnings, but I’m in the mood for something sweet, so I’ll peel off layers of a cake instead. A nice, fancy 10+ layer torte, with a layer of buttercream, a layer of marzipan and a ganache glaze to coat the whole thing. 10 million calories a slice, for sure! LOL

This year has seen a few layers, and now I know more about the process of normal eating for a COE. The changes that have to happen for a COE are first in the head, before she can move to the technical changes. Generally a COE has to unravel a layer of psyche before she can unravel a layer of normal eating processes.

First came legalizing food. Worked great to eliminate a bit of guilt, but did not address the guilt and shame that caused the OE to start with. Realistically, legalizing did not change my eating habits much. I never got the “I don’t want to eat any more” feeling.

Then came therapy. The question I presented to the doctor was “If everything in my life is so good, how come I’m still fat?” His response was to check off a few things in my psyche, and he verified that I’m not without willpower, not lazy, I’m happy, a logical thinker, have no major psychological blocks. Then he recognized that I simply didn’t know HOW to live normally. Not just eat normally, but live normally. My major speedbumps are thinking obsessively, black and white thinking, accepting that the world is not perfect, and know how normal people move and eat. This apparently also coincides with a classic definition of an ACOA, which I am too.

The first change I made was to shut up the critical voice inside my head. Then a little weight came off and I had my first recognizable experience with a rebound binge. And resulting weight gain.

Moving to an online support group for normal eating helped next. Here I learned about full, satisfied, satiated, and making changes to my self-talk to encourage a move to those. This activity revealed several irrational beliefs that I have battled one by one, generally succeeding by changing how I respond to the thoughts.

One set of layers has been in the definition of satisfied.

Legalizing taught me satisfied = eat what you want, (regardless of quantity)
Shutting up the critical voice in my head taught me satisfied does not have to be stuffed to the gills
Stuffed to the gills showed me that satisfied = full
Full showed me that satisfied = 80%+ full
80%+ full showed me that weight loss comes when I eat less than I need to maintain
Weight loss shows me that satisfied is a combination of emotional satisfaction and a minimum level of fullness, which can vary. Currently it’s 80% - 110% full, depending on emotion.

I wonder what’s in the next layers?