loss, pears, persistence
26 September 2006 by livingrainbowcolor
The scale showed a new number today - lower than ever. Finally crossed a first milestone. Didn’t even know I had a milestone, but apparently I had a secret one. Maybe I’ll set 5 more kilo as an actual goal, rather than a milestone. Maybe not. Might cause a binge.
Investigated what I can do to reduce my pear-shaped body proportions. I’m 3 sizes larger on the bottom, and it’s hard to find clothes. But the research turned up nada. Nothing but general energy expenditure. I think I’ll at least do some stomach exercises, so I firm that up a little. I also made my semi-annual measurements - they showed a distinct loss as well. Hard to imagine that I’m really losing weight eating dessert 3x a day.
The milestone is great, but I’m a bit whelmed. I’m happy it’s coming off, but I can’t stop thinking about it, so I try to focus on my basic mantras:
- It’s ok to not eat what I don’t want to eat
- It’s ok to eat everything I want to eat
- I can skip a meal if I want to
- I keep going no matter what
- I prefer to choose living normally over COE
I have a lot to be proud of, in defeating this bugaboo. From learning to deal with emotions without food, to choosing to move forward in life without expecting perfection. Big progress.
So I can enjoy my weight loss, without expecting to be punished for it. Nor do I have to punish myself. It simply is what it is. Each moment without indulging in the eating disorder is one more moment I live free. What do I want to do when I’ve talked myself out here? Don’t know, but it ought to have some productivity to it. Presentation coming up, but I don’t have the energy to go through it again. That’s not quite true - I just know that I don’t need 1.5 hours to review it. Probably 10 minutes will do fine.
Back to real life - the internet country radio station I’ve been listening to just played “Have youself a merry little christmas.” How weird is that for September? Now it’s playing some TV theme (from the Alice sitcom). I’m hopelessly confused.
Ok, that wasn’t real life. Now back to “real” real life. Late evening at work and plenty to do. Better go do some, so I can spend my dreams on the next George Clooney blockbuster script I’m writing in my head.
