Recovery from child abuse

Sounds horrible, doesn’t it? But it’s not. The abuse I was subjected to as a child was not the unspeakable horror of sexual abuse, nor was it deliberate emotional abuse. Rather, it was beatings, neglect and emotional abuse stemming from my family’s inability to deal with their own lives. It doesn’t make it any less traumatic for me, nor excusable, but it is clearly lesser than things that have happened to others. It’s ironically nice to know that in some aspects of life, I’m “normal.”

Family is the term I use instead of parents, because my brother was the one most responsible for the physical abuse. More than just occasional fights between siblings, he beat me regularly and painfully. I was definitely his punching bag for many years. My stepfather was alcoholic, my mother compulsive, and my father abandoned me before I was ever born. They provided plenty of emotional abuse.

I’m not falling into a pity party here - this is just part of my recovery. Last night, I dreamed of watching a/my father beating a child. When I woke up, I decided to investigate this dream. Soon it became clear to me that it was about my childhood and I was not acknowledging my pain and need to recover from this. So I started an investigation that led me to this post.

The ASCA (Adult Survivors of Child Abuse, http://www.ascasupport.org/ ) have a nice web site with many good materials. After reading for a while, I have effectively measured my recovery so far, and understand where I currently am with this part of my recovery. I’ve been able to assess my state with the questions in their support materials, and I understand that I have been recovering from this for more than 10 years. I’m clearly at the moving forward stage, and building a thriving life. I don’t feel any need to deeply explore every moment of my past - I’m at peace with what happened to me, and had forgiven my parents a long time ago. My brother I hadn’t, but I do that now freely.

It’s one more step in my personal journey. I no longer have to use food to comfort me against fear that it happened, might happen again, or that someone else might do something similar.  Now THAT knowledge is real comfort.