Honoring my hungers « livingrainbowcolor

Feed on: Posts; Comments

Honoring my hungers

18 December 2006 by livingrainbowcolor

Wow. I wrote that header and suddenly craved chocolate. Funny, it’s most certainly because I have hungers for many things, not just food.

There’s been a slight shakeup in my habits. I’m doing less strength training, less Sparkpeople support, and more walking. My eating variation has increased, meaning I’m taking “risks” of eating a higher volume of “fattening” foods that will stay in my system longer. When I do that, I’m almost certain to have an increase in the number on the scale. Finally, I took a break from water. I was up to 3 liters a day and was really swimming some days. On Sunday, I drank maybe 1.5 liter total (LOL, that’s what I just called “taking a break”) and experienced a >1kg “loss.”

The results of these changes are interesting. First, I’m less stressed about performing on normal eating, and more interested in improving the two habits that really do bother me a lot at the moment: house cleaning and staying off the sofa. Now there’s a good mindset change: I’ve changed my words from “too lazy to clean” to “want to improve how much I can get done.”

Today I’m eating less, after spending some time thinking about my irrational belief that I should eat 3 squares. Last Friday was a case in point. I was home without DH, and the kid and I decided not to cook. Realistically, I had no hunger whatsoever, but I ultimately ate anyway. It wasn’t a huge volume, but it was simply unnecessary food. Since then I’ve spent some time reminding myself that having control over my eating includes not having to eat when I don’t want to.

When I prepare a meal at the moment, I remind myself that I don’t have to feel any obligation to eat a complete anything: a whole roll, sandwich, apple, cookie, whatever. That enabled me to eat 3 tiny breakfasts in a row, only a sandwich for lunch, and happily put off eating xyz item until I really wanted to have it. This is turning me into an absurdly picky eater. Last night I took a bowl of chili that had been mixed with broad egg noodles. I pulled out noodle after noodle with my fingers, wiping the chili off them so I could have just the right proportion of chili to noodles.

Funny. That chocolate craving is gone.

Activating Event: Eating an unnecessary meal last Friday
Irrational Belief: That I need to eat even when I’m not hungry, and that I have to eat a certain amount ot be satisfied.
Consequence of the irrational belief: I eat more than I want to, and feel vaguely uncomfortable that I might be eating too much. Also my weight loss is not as fast as I might reasonably desire.
Dispute the belief: You know, the food is there. It will probably always be there. You take good care of yourself - I’m very proud of you. Remember when you would binge? No one would see it. Well, guess what? No one sees how little you eat either. It doesn’t matter. Food isn’t giving you an emotional kick anymore, so eating it is just a burden when you aren’t hungry.
Effective New Thinking: It’s ok to not eat anything you don’t want to. It’s ok to toss leftovers that no one else wants to eat either. It’s ok to eat one bite and stop. It’s also ok to eat the whole thing. It’s ok. It’s ok. It’s ok. It’s ok to skip a meal, or more meals. You aren’t starving, you won’t become anorexic. It’s ok to admit to yourself that you have had enough. You get to choose what enough means. You have already won.

What else is OK?