A hundred times a day a voice in my head has a silent message: “I expect you to do it right, always get what you want, and not burden anyone else while doing it.”
That’s a harsh voice. It’s also expecting the impossible. I don’t like to call it perfectionism, although that’s a fair label. I also don’t like to call it by a name, like I did a week or so ago. It’s simply a habit I want to change.
Changing habits is harder when you don’t have an actionable thought to change. I can tell if this bizarre silent message has occurred because I find myself obsessing over something that I can’t take action on. Here are some examples from today:
- I want the job I’ve applied for, but the interview isn’t for a couple of weeks and I’m already as prepared as I can possibly be. Yet I keep thinking about it. What if I get it? What if I don’t?
- Choosing the right amount of “full” for any particular meal.
- Walking down the hallway, with my hefty hips jiggling
- Expressing the “right” thoughts in a meeting
Time to work the other direction. Here’s what I can say instead of those thoughts:
- I’m prepared enough, and it will either happen or not happen. It’s better to go do something else than to keep thinking about the possible new job
- Full varies from meal to meal. A meal already eaten is over, and there’s no way to do it “right” but rather “good enough.”
- As I walk, I can remind myself of the strength and flexibility I’m building when I take stairways and go swimming
- Most meetings should be held as quickly as possible and kept as short as possible. It makes more sense to f
- follow up if something gets missed.
I’ll practice “well enough” in my positives for today, to build up expertise:
- I ate well enough at lunch, in both portion size and food choice
- I have thought through this interview well enough and am prepared enough
- I wrote a presentation today that’s good enough
- I’ve used my time today wisely enough
- I’ve taken stairs enthusiastically enough today
