Change your shape, change your life.
For emotional eaters, learning to not overeat for emotional reasons means learning how to deal with emotions in other ways. When you do this, though, you become a different person.
The same thing happens when you los weight first. In order to keep it off, you will learn new ways of coping with your emotions, and you become a different person too.
So basically, no matter how you change yourself, you always change yourself.
Tonight I changed from a person who was highly loyal, even when the return on my investment is low, to a person who can give up on some futile activities when she realizes it’s not serving her well.
I’ve been going to aquajogging for several years now. People are nice and polite when I go, but I haven’t made any fast friends. Tonight I almost went for the first time this season, because I said I would and I haven’t been yet. It’s about 6 weeks since the start of class. I almost went, but then realized that I do not have the cash to pay for the class tonight, so I’d be going, expecting to still have my place, and delay paying one more week. I debated going or not going, and then the emotions washed over me and I cried.
I cried because I am not getting friends out of the class like I’d hoped. Because I’m tired. Because I’m lonely. Because this was the only way I knew to even make acquaintances, and it’s not really working. Because it was hard to admit that it doesn’t make sense to go somewhere when I’m not getting what I want out of it. Because I’m now the kind of person who doesn’t follow through on her promise to attend the class, and the accompanying failure to follow on the financial commitment (the teacher does not charge if you never show, so she takes a financial hit when I reserve a place and don’t ever go).
I thought I was going to be better, happier, perfect when I beat this ED. Turns out I’m not. Turns out I let people down sometimes. Turns out I have impractical expectations of others sometimes. Turns out I’m normal.
Normal sucks sometimes.
