Who needs poetry and lingerie when we have chocolate?
A box of California sunshine turned into a teeming, writhing haven for raisin larvae. Blech, I almost barfed when I realized I’d been eating those things. Still better than the actual raisin moths that FLEW out of the box previous to this one. Gross, gross, gross. It seems there’s a downside to intuitive eating – it isn’t necessarily a good idea to buy in bulk.
DH was at fault for this, so I let him throw the box out. Besides, I couldn’t quite bring myself to touch it again, it made me nauseous. So the damn box sat there on the counter day after day, because DH is impervious to reminders and gross things.
This morning I come downstairs as he is trying to kick the door open as he carries THREE boxes outside to the trash. One box of raisin moth larvae, one package of unknown substance that was probably once a box of linseed or maybe a sugar, and one package of dried nectarines. Hah!! It’s not just me!!! I bought the nectarines for him as a gift at the Ferry Market in San Francisco last October, and he let them go too long without eating them.
As I pass him on the way to the coffee pot, I comment, “Good. I’m glad you’re finally getting rid of those things,” to which he replied, “If it really bugged you, why didn’t you just deal with it?” never recognizing the pun.
Why don’t I just deal with it? Baby, that’s the story of my life. This is the single most persistent issue I have in my life. I excelled in my eating disorder because I was so good at not dealing with stuff. Hey, eating worked to keep me away from otherwise improving my life.
Now that overeating’s gone, I still avoid crap. It’s probably a good thing that magical porcelain chairs carry my real-life crap away in a flush of water, otherwise I’d be procrastinating about that too. My lack of peace with food was just covering up a lack of peace in my life.
I can’t fix it all at once, so I’m starting small. First, I’ll officially get over the fact that I left those raisins on the counter too long. Thanks, DH, for cleaning them up today. Second I give myself permission to do stuff I’ve been avoiding as often as I want today.
