Freedom Feelings

I am free, no matter what rules surround me. If I find them tolerable, I tolerate them; if I find them too obnoxious, I break them. I am free because I know that I alone am morally responsible for everything I do. Robert A. Heinlein

Something is letting go inside of me. I hope it’s not my sanity <grin>.

First thing I did over the weekend was get rest. Lots and lots of rest, at which point I realized that larger people often need more rest, simply due to the extra load they’re carrying around. Go grab a couple of gallons of milk and you’ll see what it’s like to carry around even 15 extra pounds. Then try it with 100 extra pounds.

Then a funny thing happened. I wanted to practice my harp, so I did. Then I wanted to take a walk, so I did. Then I DIDN’T want to cook dinner, so I sat down and rested and drank a cup of coffee. Then I felt like cooking dinner, so I did. The next day repeated itself, only with 2 walks.

And my eating - it’s getting less and less, much closer to the way I think I will be eating when I am actually losing weight.

I’m thinking more about what life will be like when I’m really free of the excess weight as well as the excess food and extreme thinking. And taking action to support that life right now.

When I imagine myself, sitting here, only much much thinner and eating much much less, I realize that I will be living differently as well. But the living differently I can do now. I can do the dishes without obsessing, I can eat an apple instead of a cookie without thinking I’m punishing myself.

Individual food decisions are easier, particularly portion control, because my mind asks, “Do I really want something this heavy right now?” and the answer is no. I often ask, “Can I go do this anyway?” and the answer is yes.

These are very freeing thoughts.