Binge triggered by the movie Cashback?

Today I looked at my goals again, as you just read. I’m starting a week’s vacation, and I made a nice list of things to do, mostly for fun. I also listened to a podcast or so, to help me move along a bit.

Where did I move? Straight to a few hours of endless eating. It started when I began watching a movie called Cashback. Somehow it triggered me, or perhaps simply presented me with my own issues in a creative way that sent me running to food for reassurance. The protagonist is an artist who can stop time, but at the same time is not using the time that passes well.

I ate lunch, slightly larger than normal, followed by a dessert of ice cream, which of course needed chocolate shell poured over the top. WHile I was eating, I realized that I was eating for a reason other than hunger. Sadly, it was followed by a second dessert, this time marzipan cake with ice cream on top, and more chocolate shell. Now at least I’ve stopped eating and started journaling, so I’ve broken whatever was going on.

Binges always have internal conflict as a root cause. My internal conflict has to do with my desire to live “normally” versus the desire to lie around surfing the web and doing nothing. Whenever I have a long (> several hours) time of not taking action on something I “should” do, the urge to eat starts.

Next time I hope to recognize it earlier so I can stop it before it gets this deep, and I also hope to recognize the inner conflict before the food stage.