http://personallifemedia.com/podcasts/216-inside-out-weight-loss/episodes/3540-how-change-limiting
Limiting Beliefs are a major reason habits don’t change or relapses occur.
Last week, I had several days in which I ate more than I had been eating in earlier days. It’s not that it was so much food total, but it was eating when I wasn’t as hungry as I prefer to be. It took several days before I could decode some of the limiting beliefs that made this overeating possible.
One of my major limiting beliefs is “I’m not allowed to want.” As a child in a poor and dysfunctional family, I discovered that there was more family harmony if I didn’t express my wants. Anywhere from my brother beating me up if I tried to watch a TV program he didn’t like, to using family resources to buy new towels to take to college with me. I did everything possible to create family harmony by always going along with someone else’s wishes. It was only at my grandparents’ house that my needs were given a high priority.
Food, however, was my self-care, because it could be eaten, after which no one could take it away from me. Sneaking food away to eat in private became my way to deal with not getting my wants met. Additionally, it numbed me so I didn’t have to face the pain of not getting what I wanted.
I still eat when I don’t take care of my own wants. I have the dearest husband in the world, but if I don’t find time to be alone and give myself self-care, I eat to compensate. He’s not in the least clingy, it’s just me, with a fatal combination of this limiting belief and lots of time spent together.
I wonder what I could do about this. What do I need to do to break this chain?
The beliefs associated with this issue (and arguments against) that I can currently identify are
- I have to accommodate others’ wishes before my own
- If I don’t care for myself first, I can’t sustainably care for others
- Food is the best comfort and self-care technique
- There many non-destructive ways to care well for myself (see IOWL episode 32)
- Avoidance of issues is the best way to avoid disappointment from not getting what I want
- Avoidance brings greater disappointment, because afterwards I have both the not getting AND the wasted time spent avoiding the effort
My notes:
- A common limiting belief is that weight loss is hard.
- It doesn’t always have to be that way. Naturally slender people are NATURALLY slender, meaning they do it without agonizing over it.
- A belief is something that you consider to be true in spite of inconclusive evidence
- Success begets success.
- You don’t have to be ever vigilant. Instead, set your intent, practice your techniques, and let it go, checking in and correcting occasionally.
- It’s not that there’s no work involved. You do have to dedicate yourself to practice and learning. E.g. preparing healthy food.
- Inner alignment makes the effort easy. Conflict makes it hard.
