“Sabotage Self-sabotage” guided journey update: yinyang

Every time I do this conflict resolution journey, it’s different. The conflicts I’m resolving are pretty much all around eating habits. In the journey itself, Renee talks about resolving the conflicting desires to stay fat versus releasing excess weight.

In this morning’s journey I learned that one way I benefit from staying fat is that the eating gives me a chance for rest and a feeling of relief. Funny thing is, I also get the exact same benefit from releasing the weight. After considering this during the journey, I realized that thinking I’m getting relief by staying fat part is a false belief. It actually causes more distress after the first few moments of eating.

At the end of the journey, the two symbols I’d created (a hard-boiled egg for the releasing fat and a hockey puck for the staying fat – what the heck do these things mean?) merged into the yin-yang symbol. Sort of a nice resolution to the conflict.

My immediate reaction? I just ate a larger breakfast than normal. It’s not too bad, just an extra piece of toast, but I compensated yesterday already a little bit at dinner.

Does the guided journey work? Dunno. Looks like it’s a long-term impact rather than an instantaneous miracle cure.

Chocolate is as normal as an apple

There’s a lot of chocolate in my house. Literally kilos of chocolate. That’s because I wrote a chocolate blog as part of my personal therapy. Aligned with the compulsive eating, I had strong cravings for chocolate. When I discovered Overcoming Overeating, and Geneen Roth, and Inside Out Weight Loss, I knew I had to make peace with chocolate. My decision was to bring it into my house and get used to it, like is described in Overcoming Overeating.

The blog was great. I reviewed chocolate, thought about chocolate, planned which chocolate to buy, gave myself chocolate out the wazoo. The only rule I had was, if I buy it, I have to review it. And review it I did.

Over 25,000 hits later, I was done. Last August, I found I simply couldn’t write any more chocolate posts. My chocolate purchases went way down, to essentially zero. I told myself that I didn’t have to post any more if I didn’t want to, and I knew already that I didn’t have to eat any chocolate I didn’t want to eat.

After 4 months of no posts, I wrote a new post on a delicious chocolate I just bought today. It reads as if I can’t resist this chocolate, but I have. I ate a nice portion, then put the rest away for another day. Chocolate is as normal as an apple for me now. I love apples. I love chocolate. But I eat both at normal levels.

How did I change from chocolate-obsessed to a intuitive-eating chocolate-and-apple-lover? One bite and one thought at a time.

Each time I eat chocolate, I remind myself that I love myself and I can have all the chocolate I want any time.  Slowly I discovered that chocolate wasn’t my real need, but rather self-care and positive self-talk is. That’s what I practice now, and it tastes better than chocolate.

Sabotage Self-Sabotage Guided Journey overview (Inside Out Weight Loss)

After using the guided journey for a couple of days, here’s a brief description of my experiences.

The 30 minute journey has 3 parts:

• Relaxation and going into the “self-hypnosis” or quiet state
• Identification and integration of the two opposing wishes (to lose weight and to keep the benefits of the weight)
• Reinforcement of the learnings from the integration

What’s happened to me so far is that I’ve experienced strong emotions and memories while relaxing, and that each identification and integration experience has been different.

Example: today I visualized a scroll in my right hand, holding the rational reasons to lose weight, and a pile of fat in my left hand, representing the layer of safety and protection that fat provides. Upon integrating the two, I visualized muscle.

From that, I conclude that building muscle will provide me with the same protection and safety that I formerly got from my layers of fat.  That’s a powerful reason to exercise.

Inside Out Weight Loss Guided Journey: Sabotage Self-Sabotage

Renee Stephens has a highly recommended podcast about creating your intuitive eating self. It’s called Inside Out Weight Loss, and is subscribable through iTunes.

Being a consultant, she of course offers product for sale. Since I’d found the guided journeys that she’s used in the podcasts to be helpful, I decided to buy a commercial one, namely Sabotage Self-sabotage. She recommends to start with this one. The cost is $29.95. Link is here.

I bought and downloaded it yesterday, as my reward for completing the 4 Day Win last week. I’ve taken the journey twice as of this moment.

Results so far:

• I am able to relax enough to follow the actions
• It raises some emotions, so it seems to be having an impact
• The images I create during the journey are different in each journey
• The relaxation follows me after the journey is over
• The notion of flowing the positive elements through my body is interesting, and may be starting to have a positive impact

My plan is to take the journey as often as possible until the end of February, and see what happens. I’ll keep you posted.

Day 4 results: 4 Day Win is a success!!!

My Goal:
Eat delightful foods that bring me to my weight goal and make me feel great!

My actions:

• 5-10 minutes of positive, silent meditation each day
• Turn off the computer early at least once each day
• Choose an extra vegetable each day to find out if it delights me
• Choose to pass on a non-delighting food each day
• Eat chocolate every day

Results for Day 4:

• Did a great meditation to some soft music, with my husband cooperating by being quiet
• Turned off the computer in the morning in order to do chores and put away groceries
• Chose beans in my corn with my dinner
• Passed on extra servings of brownie several times today
• Ate brownie for breakfast

My reward for completing all 4 days is to buy the “Sabotage Self-Sabotage” guided journey from Inside Out Weight Loss. I’ll let you know how it is.

Day 3 results: 4 Day Win

My goodness, did I learn stuff about myself today.

This third day was harder than I thought. Somehow I was starting to take the change for granted, and before I knew it, my opportunities to do the right thing were slipping away.

I ate my chocolate at breakfast in the morning, then gave into temptation to eat a “second breakfast” at work even though I was not particularly hungry. Luckily, though, the food was already gone when I got there, and I passed on the chocolate sitting right next to my desk.

Lunch was later than usual, and I was in a hurry to get to my next appointment, so I ate bratwurst and french fries, thereby blowing my easiest chance at tasty vegetables. The cafeteria at work is great for veggies, offering several different kinds every day, in full menus, plus a hot and cold buffet.

In the evening I finally got my extra veggie in by eating celery with hummus (tasty!!). I did turn off my computer early in the morning, and did a few minutes of meditation before leaving for work. My reward was to read extra in the evening, and that was just a so-so experience.

Goals accomplished, but just barely. There was not much positive self-talk, nor intuitive eating today.

One more day 0n the 4 day win, then I get my big reward. I’m not fooling myself that it will be easy.

Day 2 results: 4 Day Win

My Goal:
Eat delightful foods that bring me to my weight goal and make me feel great!

My actions:

• 5-10 minutes of positive, silent meditation each day
• Turn off the computer early at least once each day
• Choose an extra vegetable each day to find out if it delights me
• Choose to pass on a non-delighting food each day
• Eat chocolate every day

Results for Day 2:

• 10 minutes of meditation, in silence, in the car with someone else driving, thinking peaceful thoughts
• Turned off the computer 10 minutes early to go to work
• Added veggies to my pasta
• Passed on a chocolate bar when I wasn’t hungry
• Shared a chocolate bar with my daughter while we worked on her homework

My reward:

Went car-shopping with my daughter. Fun and peaceful, and we’re test-driving a Mini Cooper next week!

Day 1 results: 4 Day Win

My Goal:
Eat delightful foods that bring me to my weight goal and make me feel great!

My actions:

• 5-10 minutes of positive, silent meditation each day
• Turn off the computer early at least once each day
• Choose an extra vegetable each day to find out if it delights me
• Choose to pass on a non-delighting food each day
• Eat chocolate every day

Results:

• 5 minutes of meditation, in silence, thinking about my good traits
• Turned off the computer 10 minutes early
• Ate red cabbage and eggplant
• Passed on a chocolate bar when I wasn’t hungry
• Ate a Hanuta bar for dessert

My reward:

Threw away a pair of holey underwear.

Winning new habits (The “4 Day Win” way)

Just finished reviewing my progress for the past year, and I’m thrilled with my new skills. I’m now capable of talking myself down off an emotional ledge, finding hunger, waiting to eat until I feel physical hunger, and more.

Now I want to build a new positive habit. My goal is to eat healthily in such a way that I lose weight. OK, that goal could be worded more positively. Here are some possibilities:

• Eat to lose weight – too negative
• Eat intuitively to lose weight – not where my head really is right now, although intuitive eating is definitely what I’m doing
• Eat delightful foods – warming up
• Eat delightful foods to lose weight – bleh
• Eat delightful foods that bring me to my weight goal – better
• Eat delightful foods that bring me to my weight goal and make me feel great! Yes!

OK, goal defined. I think this time I’ll use the Four Day Win method. Take four days to define and work on easily achievable sub-goals. Reward yourself at the end of each day, and specially at the end of the 4 day cycle.

Sub-goals for the next 4 days:

• 5-10 minutes of positive, silent meditation each day
• Turn off the computer early at least once each day
• Choose an extra vegetable each day to find out if it delights me
• Choose to pass on a non-delighting food each day
• Eat chocolate every day

Daily rewards:

• Throw away something I “think” I should keep, but don’t really want to keep
• Read something I want to read for fun
• Go car shopping with my teenager
• Day 4: buy myself the Sabotage Self-Sabotage guided journey from Renee Stephens

A process to stop eating when you’re not hungry

This is working really well for me right now. When I am eating and can’t stop, or when I’m thinking about getting food and I know I’m not hungry, I follow these steps.

1. Stop what I’m doing. Even if I’m bringing food to my mouth.
2. Breathe deeply, sometimes several times.
3. Close my eyes and sense all of my body parts, from toe to head.
4. Ask myself, “What am I doing that I don’t want to be doing?” The first answer is always about food.
5. Ask myself, “Why am I drawn to food at this moment? What thoughts am I avoiding?” It’s always not about food.
6. Choose an action to take to fix the second question.

Sometimes the action also includes eating the food anyway, but with love and positive intent for myself.