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Archive for February, 2008

Exercise a little differently

Exercise on Monday worked both my legs and my upper arms. First, we walked around downtown Stuttgart to choose a place to eat dinner, and second, I nearly choked the living sh*& out of him for not being able to choose a restaurant until I was completely worn out from the walking. My right leg was hurting, I was limping, I was beyond grumpy, and still he couldn’t choose. Grrr. At least choking the living sh*& out of someone builds the biceps.

Sometimes my DH has to make a decision that pleases him, rather than one that needs to please us both, or the whole family. This can be hard for him, since it means that he has to decide all by himself. He loves pleasing all of us, and hates having to choose something that I might not like. He’s a sweetie until he reaches this point, then I want to scream.

ANYWAY, dinner and a big glass of wine restored my love for him.

The rest of my exercise has come from swimming on Sunday and stair climbing all week. My temporary desire to punish my husband has only been exceeded by the fact that DH has reached the end of his rope with our teenager.

She kept getting up later and later for school, and has wanted us to drive her the last several weeks. Normally she prefer the bus, but comfort has won out. Her morning habits have become sleeping at late as possible, then going downstairs for a toasted English Muffin with butter and orange juice.

DH, angel that he is, has been the one to remind her multiple times to get up on time, fix the muffin, get the juice, and in general allow me quiet time in the morning. However, our daughter’s behavior got so teenager-y that he just completely rebelled. This week he has chosen to take the bus, and doesn’t help her out at all in the mornings. More power to him, because it releieves a lot of his stress.

This has not gone over well with DD. I am apparently completely incapable of buttering a muffin, and she has informed me of this in her inimitable teenage tone of voice. Yesterday I toasted the muffin, then she didn’t come downstairs in time, and she complained that “it was too cold to butter.” I told her to put it back in the toaster for 5 seconds, then she could butter it properly. She chose to go hungry instead.

For the first two days, she also tried blaming me for her being late, but I’ve since adjusted my thinking and my words so she hears me telling her “It looks like you’re running late” rather than “Time to get up now.” That’s a big difference in words, because the second set empowers her to take responsibility for her decisions. I also searched out other, possibly faster ways to go to school, and told her about them, so she gets a sense that I’m on her side.

Today she skipped breakfast without blaming me for not having time, and we got to school with 1 minute to spare. She was even borderline polite when I offered to stock foods that don’t need to be toasted in the morning and she could eat in the car on the way to school.

Oh, I digressed – my exercise has been climbing up and down stairs to wake her, remind her, get juice, get her laundry, and because DH is taking the bus, we don’t park in the same place, and I have to take 2 huge flights of stairs to work. This is all a lot more exercise than I ever thought. I’m tired.

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Intuitively overeating

  1. Decide What Is Important to You
  2. Take Action

Remember these items from my last post? Hah! Easier said than done.

For me, it was clear – the important things to me at the moment are intuitively eating to weight loss and re-engaging with my non-computer hobbies. Note: I noticed a gap in Colby’s list: she didn’t say “what is important to you that you don’t have yet,” but I believe that is what she meant. I want those two things, but not at the expense of my family or my income, etc.

Anyway, those are the two things I want. So what did I do yesterday? Ate way full at 2 different meals and spent the evening away from my hobbies at an estate planning seminar. Theoretically, if I were following items 1 and 2 above, I would have eaten very light meals and done a hobby yesterday.

This actually doesn’t bother me, though. I recognize that the intuitive eating is more than just “always” eating “right,” because that’s just a diet. It’s building the intuition to eat what I want when I want it, and being in tune enough with my body to know when enough means it’s time to eat less for a while. So yesterday, I ate a fabulous chicken dish at work, and we happened to eat out at dinner. I knew I didn’t want any meat, and didn’t want a heavy meal. My intuitive choices were between a tomato/mozzarella salad and a spaghetti with just olive oil and parmesan. I chose the spaghetti because the mozzarella seemed too heavy, and ate the whole thing.

Today I find it very easy to compensate for that larger-than-average food intake. Breakfast was half normal, and lunch was back to normal, with extra veggies, less fat and fewer starches. All chosen intuitively to make me feel good. I even threw extra food away. I plan to keep that up until I feel the intuitive need for a heavier meal again.

The hobbies? Oh well, you can’t win them all. Let’s see what happens tonight.

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This is an awesome article from Dr. Colby. She’s updated her website, and this is the first piece I’ve read , but it really speaks to me.

One of the questions that keep me moving well down my path is, “Your opinion is the only one that matters here. What do you want to do?” I especially like the idea of rewarding myself with a smile for every single bit of progress that I’ve made. Cheap and effective.

 

Dr. Annette Colby, RD

Confidence Building Steps That Work Like Crazy!

there are some people who just seem born confident. They walk tall and self-assured. How about you? Are you fairly confident in your own life? If your confidence is low, luckily you do not have to think that confidence is something you were born with. Confidence includes the way you think, the way you talk to yourself, and way you imagine and expect success. These are totally within your power to change and there are a number of things you can do to boost your confidence. NFL legend Roger Stauback (Cowboys Quarterback 1969-1979) is quoted as saying, “Confidence doesn’t come out of nowhere. It’s a result of something… hours and days and weeks and years of constant work and dedication.” By using these six strategies you can get the confidence you need to reach your potential.

1. Decide What Is Important to You

Gaining confidence involves deciding what is important to you in life. It means separating what is relevant for you from what is irrelevant, and deciding what you want to achieve in your life. Work out exactly what you want to accomplish and set goals for yourself. This will provide structure to your day and give clarity and purpose to what your life is about.

2. Take Action

Once you have determined the general direction of your life, it is easier to make choices that bring you pleasure, satisfaction, and a sense of achievement. You can say no to the people and decisions that are irrelevant to your desired outcome. Every time you make a decision during the day, you can ask yourself this question, “Does this choice take me closer to, or further away from my goal.” If the answer is “closer to,” then you are making a decision to allow yourself to be successful. This decision allows you to feel more confident and successful. Confidence comes from deciding which specific actions you will take today, and following through on those actions.

3. Let Yourself Succeed

Choose actions that are right for right now. That means finding actions that are small, doable, and related to your overall life-direction. Get into the habit of deciding what you will do today to move forward, and making sure you achieve that action. Little by little, start piling up the daily successes and feeling more confident!

4. Recognize Your Efforts and Successes

Every time you allow yourself to take a step in the direction of what you want also take the time to celebrate and feel good. Otherwise, what’s the point of your goal? Confidence increases as you recognize you have the ability to get from where you are right now, to where you want to be. This means that you take the time every day to recognize your efforts and successes and feel good about your actions.

5. Smile When You are Successful

Each time you do something that is symbolic of a small victory, SMILE! Do you ever notice that when someone smiles at you, you instantly feel better? The same holds true when you smile. With each success, add a smile. This action strengthens your emotions of well-being and increases confidence.

6. Look Into the Nearest Mirror

Look into the nearest mirror and notice the person staring back at you is the only person responsible for your success. Talk to yourself! Tell yourself what a great job you are doing. Raise your confidence by learning to talk to yourself with an attitude of enthusiasm and positivity. If you are always beating yourself down with criticism and negativity, how do you expect to feel strong and confident? Confidence is not something that comes after you are successful or perfect. Confidence is how you treat yourself during the good times and especially the difficult times.

That’s six great ways for you to boost your confidence that you can use immediately. I urge you to try them all and watch as your confidence climbs higher than you ever dreamed it could!

If you’re not living the life of your dreams, or getting the results you want, it’s probably your beliefs holding you back. Inspirational author and personal growth expert Dr. Annette Colby, RD can help. Whether you are trying to take the pain out of life, turn difficult emotions into joy, release stress, end emotional eating, or move beyond depression, you can achieve success. Annette breaks it down step-by-step so anyone can achieve the life they are wanting to live, no matter how tough life was before. To access hundreds of content filled articles and sign up for an inspirational Loving Miracles newsletter visit www.annettecolby.com.

Copyright 1997–2008 Annette Colby, PhD. All rights reserved in all media.

You may absolutely electronically reproduce, copy, or distribute each article with people you think may enjoy it. You may also post the article on your Website or Blog, free of charge.Please keep the article intact and unaltered and include the author by-line and copyright information. If you would like to reproduce the articles in any other format, permission in writing from Annette Colby is required. Thanks and enjoy!

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Something broke through tonight, but I’m not sure what.

The past few days I’ve been eating in odd patterns. Sometimes I’ve experimented with eating “barely-full” portions, comfortably full portions, and not eating when I’m not hungry. I had a couple of vegetarian days, and did a great job of portion control early in the week.

Then things exploded, and I began eating everything in sight. Small portions of many different things resulted in eating first a pots de creme dessert, followed by a golf-ball sized scoop of ice cream. Then they served an Indian bean dish as an entree at work, and I ate a huge serving. Yesterday I craved a frozen pizza, and baked it. I wasn’t hungry again until late afternoon today. Then I ate McDonald’s with DD, my first Mickey D’s in months.  What I learned:

  • Sometimes it feels nice to feel quite full
  • Sometimes it feels nice to skip a meal
  • Neither the pizza nor the McD’s tasted very good

Tonight I wondered what it all meant. Part of it was proving to myself that I would still feed myself anything I wanted, even if it were junk food. Part of it was hunger, since I’d been eating noticeably less than normal. Maybe part of it was proving to myself that I don’t miss those things I’d been not eating.

In any case, it’s been an interesting week, and I’ve come out the better for it. More learning about my eating intuition, and, who knows, maybe even a little lost weight.

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If I were free, totally free of my ED, and if I were a normal size, I would:

  • Walk up the stairs without pain
  • Not think about food unless I were hungry
  • Not feel self-conscious about my size
  • Not need to rest so often
  • Not eat so many fatty foods
  • Not eat so much
  • Ride my bicycle
  • Not feel unconfident
  • Stand more often

Hmm. When I look at that list, everything falls into one of 2 groups: things I can do if I were a little stronger, and things I can do if I change my attitude.

Hmm.

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I didn’t buy myself anything, didn’t take a bubble bath, didn’t do any of those things that are the first things discussed when talking about self-care. But I did let myself off the hook for my own high expectations.

More fun than I expected: sleeping late, cuddling with DH

Less necessary than I thought: lots of useless internet surfing

Easier than I thought: cooking and doing dishes (usually I get stressed out on the weekend, expecting the non-cook to clean)

More effective than I thought: choosing to not worry about stuff

Most renewing activity: refusing to think about anything that wasn’t in the moment

Intuitive eating? Intuitive LIVING is more like it.

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Not to steal anything from Buddhism, although I wonder just how many realizations and learnings can actually be stolen from a religion that emphasizes indicidual realizations, awakening and see Reality. You become a Buddha when you achieve your realizations and recognition of Reality without teaching.

Whatever. It’s simply too much for me to absorb on a weekend.

I’m making this weekend a self-care weekend. After hearing other bloggers and reading this article, I realized that I could choose to make almost everything in my day be an act of self-care. In the same way that no mysterious, ideal lover will come along and rescue you, no one will heal you from your ED or grow you into Intuitive Eating, except for you.

Part of that recovery and growth includes becoming better at self-care, so I’m practicing good self-care this weekend. I’m trying to make every moment have an element of self-care to it.

There’s self-care in defrosting the freezer, because it holds my own stash of ice cubes, so precious and rare in Germany. I still remember Christa, who was one of the first Germans we visited after we moved here. We had just made a 3 hour drive in August, and arrived at her house miserably hot and sweaty. I knew that Germans didn’t use ice cubes, so I was prepared for the worst. She carried out a huge pitcher of ICE water, and it was glorious.

There’s self-care in stopping and recognizing how nice it was to meet her, and have positive experiences like that.

There’s self-care in knowing that my DH finally accepted that he could “allow’ himself financially to buy a new laptop, and ordered it. I see that he honored his needs, and I helped him see it in a loving, not nagging way.

There’s self-care in sleeping late, in staying away from shopping, in choosing to not worry over work that’s not done.

There’s self-care in choosing to do my work in a way that gives me pleasure, even though some might not think that it’s the best way to do the job.

There’s self-care in wearing my favorite lounge pants, in sorting material for my crazy quilt, in making my own pudding from scratch.

There’s self-care in a weekend of nesting, in cuddling with DH as we slept late, in thanking him for the chores he’s done.

There’s self-care in choosing to look at every task in a loving, renewing way.

There’s self-care in washing my espresso cup by hand, so it’s always ready, in keeping the dishwasher empty so dirty dishes don’t stay on the counter, in putting my dirty laundry in the basket.

There’s self-care in breathing slowly, in and out, in resting in silence, in feeling peace.

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