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Archive for April, 2008

Added an extra goal

For the month of May, I’m also going to write down my successes each day. This helps a lot towards keeping a positive attitude.

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To make permanent change in your life, you need two types of motivation. One is motivation to make you want to leave your current state, and two is motivation of the new state you want to have.
In order to strengthen the second motivation, I choose to frequently think about (and write about) how I will be in my future state.
Since I have a long journey to my “final” future state, I also visualize interim states. My current interim state is 10 kilo less than I am now. Since I have been relatively steady in weight for a while now, 10 kilo represents quite a large change in both mental and physical states. I’ll focus on the work state, since that’s on my mind this morning.
Me At Minus 10K: I think I’ll call her MAM10K.
MAM10K gets to work, and climbs both sets of stairs with strength. She does not take a break from stair climbing but rather keeps going steadily. At the top, she is a little winded, but has made it without jello-legs.
MAM10K strolls into the office, calling out a cheery “Und einen schoenen guten Morgen!” which is returned in kind, as is the German workplace tradition. (translated: “and a beautiful good morning!”)
She unpacks her bag and reads her email. No emergencies today, but several surprises await her. She takes them in stride, making a list of things to do and rationally choosing the most important. She compares these new tasks to her up-to-date list of planned activities, choosing and prioritizing rationally. There’s no second-guessing herself, no guilt over imagined mistakes or lack of perfection, just simple awareness of the situation, and calm confidence that she can handle it.
MAM10K uses a little small-talk as she gets her coffee. This is a skill she is slowly developing, but always remembers that people in her office are respectful and polite. A wink and a nod to some of her buddies as they pass in the hall give her a feeling of connection.
Work gets more stressful, since there are tasks that other people must accomplish, but they are entirely unmotivated to do so. She works through her scheduled meetings with these people, remembering always to listen to their needs and help where possible.
The chaos of the company swirls around her, barely touching her. The main topic in her workday that is chaotic is training. Everyone in the company needs to be trained on quality, but she has barely time to get her process work done, much less create and present training as well. When other departments talk about the training they are providing, MAM10K does not get panicky thinking that she has failed, but rather is grateful that the other teams’ work coordinates so nicely with her own. As a company team, she recognizes that we are all stronger.
Every hour she is not in a meeting, MAM10K takes a 5 minute break to stretch and go somewhere quiet. A moment alone is highly rejuvenating for her. She uses this time to breathe deeply and accept what has already passed, giving herself closure.
Lunch is passed with DH, giving a complete break from work and a chance to process the morning.
The afternoon passes much like the morning. She makes a point to connect with a human being at least once in the morning and once in the afternoon. MAM10K ends her day on time, with a list of the day’s successes and potential tasks for tomorrow.

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My current plan is based on what I’ve learned from the Eckhart Tolle and IOWL podcasts. So far, the plan has increased my feelings of peace, helped me to stay in the present moment, and helped me strengthen my eating habit of 3 fruits and 5 veggies a day.

Every week or so I find myself adjusting the specifics of the plan, but here’s my current one.

  1. Do guided journeys to visualize my future state
  2. Keep completing my thoughts and want so I can fully accept my choices
  3. Reduce amount of food eaten
  4. Improve type of food eaten
  5. Stay present in food choices and life choices
  6. Adjust until goal reached
  7. Reward myself frequently and fully
  8. Take a current photo and make me skinny
  9. Meditate daily on my desired future state
  10. Write about the future me

Odd, I’m not so sure I’m actively doing some of these things. It’s more a pretty plan laid out on a blog post. When I’m really honest with myself, I’m pretty much only trying to eat the fruits/veggies, cut down a little on food, and stay present.

Guess I’ll have to take some more action and see what happens. 

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After thinking about my doctor’s suggestion to ignore the scale for a while, I decided to do it. Now I’m going to try weighing in only monthly, even though I’m noticing frequent urges to hop on the scale right now.

So far, I’ve rationalized that not only should I step on at the beginning of the month, but I should do it several days in a row, so I can get an “average.” While that is statistically true, I suspect this is really a secret urge to get on the scale more often, so I can continue to obsess.

What are the right affirmations in this situation? Something like:

  • I measure my progress by observing my eating habits
  • I judge success by my peace of mind w.r.t. food choices
  • The plan I’m working on has many actions, but none require stepping on the scale

Hmmm. The urge has lessened.

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It generally doesn’t take many bites. If I’m really hungry, the first bites are like heaven itself. Afterwards, I notice that I am still hungry, but the flavor intensity has worn off.

Lately, I’ve had a strong signal that it’s time to stop eating. First, I look at the next bite, and I get this “blech” feeling in my stomach. If I take that bite, then it’s like eating cardboard. At that point I know that pretty much every bite after this will only add to a feeling of being too full.

This isn’t happening when I’m halfway through a bag of Chee-tos, mind you. It’s more like after 1.5 pieces of toast, or one sandwich. Is this what you call intuition?

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It doesn’t matter which intuitive eating process you choose, how many therapists you do or don’t have, which diet you want to follow.

What does matter are the choices you make in each moment – what you eat or don’t eat, what you say to yourself, what you listen to, how you create your own environment.

Everything else is noise.

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After all the work inside my head, I stood on the scale today and saw a lower number than anytime in the last 10 years. Good.

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