Archive for August, 2008

The IOWL podcast number 42 helped me better understand more about breaking through the block to intuitive eating.

Most people who read this blog have a significant amount of weight to lose. That means that, even if they are finding hunger at most meals, listening to their bodies and minds to choose the right foods, they are still not intuitively eating so that they lose the weight they want to lose. For me, the weight is trickling off, when I am rationally convinced that I can eat intuitively to lose weight faster. Somehow I never seem to consistently eat enough less to lose faster. Most of the time, I believe I find a reason to “go ahead and eat this anyway,” thereby eating more than I burn on a tiny but regular basis.

That’s where this podcast comes in. I do recommend you listen to this one if you share my issue. The meat of the podcast starts at about minute 16 and goes to minute 26. Sometimes I go into the podcasts and just listen to the best parts.

Do I have a phobia about being hungry? I know I used to have one, but I don’t think I do now. I used to think about the next meal while I was preparing or eating the first one. I could not conceive of a social situation without food, or working through stress without food to comfort me. Most of that’s resolved now.

Perhaps I have a phobia about prolonged hunger. I eat breakfast so that I’m getting hungry about 11 a.m. and we eat lunch about 45 minutes later. That makes me usually good and hungry.  But if I get hungry earlier, I start to worry, and sometimes I eat more at lunch. Yet I can’t quite seem to cut back on my portion size so that I get hungry earlier.

I really hate it when I have a mental block or a belief that I can’t identify. Clearly I have a belief that I need a certain quantity of food and fullness to be satisfired at meals, but I can’t break through it yet. There’s also a belief that I need a certain amount of food in a day to be satisfied.

Still puzzling on this one.


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Vacation ended, and I’m back at work. The last week of vacation was filled with work, and I settled into a nice rhythm of cooking and cleaning as well as the remodeling.

What really pleased me was that I wasn’t obsessing over food. I cooked good healthy foods to eat, and didn’t binge at all. It’s easy to weigh myself just twice a month, and I miss vegetables when I don’t get them for a meal or two.

The podcasts seem to be losing their effect, or it’s perhaps better to say that my mind is slowly turning towards real life instead of “recovery from eating disorder.” I get a peaceful feeling when I notice that, even though I’d rather be much thinner.

Those peaceful feelings are both healing for me and negative. Healing, because it’s an integral part of me accepting myself. Negative, because it’s easy to not gently nudge myself further down the hunger scale. There is theoretically nothing stopping me from eating half of what I normally eat, but I don’t. I’ve stopped worrying about that, though, and trust that one day I will achieve a new lower level of eating.

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Hi, I’m still around. We are on vacation and remodeling the living room. Here are before and in-the-middle pictures. I’d wondered if I would go crazy and eat everything in sight, since we normally travel during vacation, but I didn’t. It’s actually been great.

I’m doing great on intuitive eating, am even losing weight. Looks like I lost a pound since the first of August. Exercise was also easy, since we had to move over 1000 books ( we moved the bookshelf from one wall to the opposite). Many of the shelves had two layers of books in them. I’ve culled a couple of boxes of books, and moved many more down to the basement. Talk about building your arms!

As I picked through my books, I’ve decided to put away all of the eating disorder/intuitive eating books. I don’t need them now, probably don’t need them any more at all. I found my copy of Geneen Roth’s Breaking Free From Emotional Eating, which was the book that got me started so many years ago.

Before: the bookshelf is on the wall behind the door. White wallpaper with shiny spots. Yick.

In the middle: Bookshelf is behind the photographer. The left wall is a pale green in a “crumpled paper”  style. The accent wall is red in the same paper. The red will wrap around into the eating area, and the final wall will be a conforming white tone. We’re going to put an architectural-style entertainment center on the red wall. I get to buy a big screen TV!! Yay! 46 inches of LCD beauty!

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I recently watched a video about bariatric treatment (not bypass surgery) as a business. There were apparently dozens of doctors in attendance. Do you know what was odd about the video? There were many fat, possibly obese doctors.

One of the speakers in the video described his job. A couple of times he emphasized that it is a low stress, good income job, even noting how few of his patients call him after hours. He prescribes phentermine.

After 7800 patients, only 44% lose 10% of their initial body weight within the first six months. At typical body weights of 200+ pounds, that means, after paying thousands of dollars, 44% of his patients have lost over 20 pounds. That’s what he defines as good.

He also defines 200 new patients a month as good, too. I can imagine which statistic is more important to him.

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Self-correction can be a limiting belief. I currently feel that the only way to self-correct is to eat just veggies until I’ve compensated for overeating. That’s just a silly belief – veggies aren’t magic.

Another thing I keep believing is that I “have” to eat larger portions. If I eat 2 slices of bread for lunch (that’s 2 open-faced sandwiches), then I’m less likely to eat my veggies. There’s nothing in the world stopping me from reducing my bread to one and making veggies a regular part of my lunch. Except whatever is going on in my brain.

Somehow, I seem to believe that it’s not enough food unless there are 2 slices. Hmm. What would be a good way to reframe this? That second slice is just too much, and stops tasting good. A salad or soup with a variety of veggies would make my lunch more interesting and delicious.

My notes:


  • Pay attention to how your spirit changes as well as your body.
  • A plateau can put you a bit off-balance, but you can recover, just as if you were riding a bike.
  • The more we lay food down, the more we pick our true nature up.
  • If you’re lugging extra weight around, you’re also lugging cares and worry. You can put both things down and enjoy your life more.
  • We can just put the heavy bags down, and let them go.
  • Don’t treat anyone better than you treat yourself.
  • When you feel really good, right now, food or other crutches are not necessary.
  • You are good enough to have good self-care and delicious, well-made food.
  • Rebalancing yourself is self-correcting, be it emotionally, physically, or with food.
  • Three lines of defense: ourselves, others and professionals.
  • When you put down your baggage, you have time in your life and space in your brain. Don’t fill it with food.
  • What matters is that you get in alignment with you. To live your life as you intend it to be.
  • Self-correcting is about reconnecting to your nature.
  • How would your life be different if you could always connect to that completely accepting inner being that you have? If you always completely accepted and loved yourself?
  • Every step you’ve taken til now has brought you here. You can now choose to accept the love and care that you give yourself, or you can wait. It’s not worth waiting.
  • Put your priorities exactly where you want them.

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How much does it hurt to be obese? A lot. My particular pain comes mostly in tiny, sharp jabs.

  • It hurts to be told at work that you’re one of the most productive employees, yet some people are intimidated by my size, to the point that they mention it to my boss.
  • It hurts to see people staring, when it’s none of their business what I look like.
  • It hurts to get to know someone, only to find out later that they’re only in the relationship to “save” me, and get me on their eating plan.
  • It hurts to see people treat me as if I’m invisible.
  • It hurts more, though, to think that I’m inflicting most of my pain on myself. Eating to comfort myself was the only thing I knew, yet it created a lot more pain. As I sit here next to a bar of chocolate, I feel the conflict. Chocolate tastes good, and makes me feel good. But chocolate in excess (any food in excess) is a burden on my body, and therefore painful.

My notes:

  • Being naturally slender means maximizing your pleasure.
  • When you overate, you ate so much because it wasn’t giving you the pleasure your whole body wanted. Now you replace your former insufficient pleasure with a well-rounded, truly satisfying pleasure.
  • Binding your body with fat is like being disabled, only you’re doing it to yourself, ignoring the discomfort of the disability.
  • Replace your struggle with things that truly satisfy. It should be a large list.
  • Your diet will have more variety, because you are freeing yourself from the “I must eat X” requirement. You will frequently choose something lighter, because you are either self-correcting or planning ahead.
  • Your body deals with food for a long time. If you eat more than your body needs, it is stored. It’s all still there, just waiting for you to burn it.
  • You will match your intake with what your body needs to stay in balance, without the need to finish a plate or otherwise consuming too much food.
  • Make sure that you are hungry before you go to a restaurant, so you can maximally enjoy the food.
  • Being practiced at eating naturally reminds you are meeting your body’s needs all the time.
  • Cultivate hunger, and you will cultivate enjoyment
  • Allow your body to clean out the clutter and the toxins in the stored fat.
  • As your body changes shape and size, so will your thoughts and behaviors.
  • Your real spirit will come through even more strongly than it does now.

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Realistically, I suppose my slow weight loss is a sort of plateau. Rather than a plateau at a steady weight, it’s a plateau at a weight loss rate. A kilo a month seems to be the average rate, and I would prefer it to be twice that.

Ways I am self-correcting this include

  1. Getting out of the house to walk with my husband
  2. Taking every chance I can find to reset my thinking about sufficient portion size
  3. Keep recognizing and enjoying good self-care

My notes:

  • Practice gratefulness. Notice your body and appreciate what it does for you.
  • Get out of your funk by thinking through a difficult situation, then take action to self-correct.
  • Tune in to your body, then open your mind to a correction and brainstorm ways to better handle the situation when it occurs again.
  • Get up, get out the door and do what works for you to avoid the overeating.
  • When you notice that you are being very negative, that’s a time for self-correction.
  • Self-correction is not just for eating behaviors, but also emotional behaviors. Meditate, rest, let your true good nature come in.
  • Use the future you to give yourself inspiration, not a reason to beat yourself up. A future self is a good tool to use to reinforce your success so far. Measure how much you’ve achieved, not how much you lack.
  • Treats are treats and you deserve a lot of them. You learn gradually to choose things other than food make better treats.
  • Healthy food makes you feel better longer than crap food.
  • Your thinking will change, and you can feel relieved that crap food won’t be calling you eventually.
  • On a plateau, your body is getting ready to go to the next stage.

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