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Archive for the ‘work’ Category

Good self-care is so much more than a cup of tea or a bubble bath. Today I gave myself good self-care by devoting time to get my computer workstation set up right.

You should read the manual HP wrote on the topic. Very easy to read and gives lots of useful suggestions, whether you’re working on a desk or on your bed.

Link to the HP document is here in many languages. I ended up adjusting the height of my desk and sitting up straight. 🙂

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Work is inevitable. Struggle is optional.

I’m still here – just swamped at work. I’m working in the mornings before I go to work, all day without a pause, then in the evenings again after I get home.

No chance to get out to swim since last Sunday. No chance to write thoughtful posts to my blog. Just work. There are at least some benefits, though. Our CEO for the very first time mentioned our team’s achievements and told all 2000 of us that we will all be working together on the goals that I have worked so hard to improve.

Now just one more big event before Christmas. I think I’ll sleep through the whole vacation.

Work is inevitable, struggle is optional. This is true for real, for-pay work. Same is true for beating an ED and losing weight. You can acknowledge that you have these goals, and you can make a plan to reach your personal goals, but how you think about them will determine how you reach them.

You can say, “I will diet until I reach goal weight.” If you say this, you are building up in your mind a time in which you won’t diet. That can be trouble, because you might not make it. Then you will feel discouraged and the effort will seem wasted.

How about changing what you say? Try, “I am permanently changing my habits to reach my goal weight. This involves a pretty interesting journey away from food and into a life I may never have known before.”

Wham, bam, presto! Suddenly the ED work is not a struggle, but a journey. Maybe even a vacation. What a dream. What a joy.

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Taking good care of yourself varies depending on the situation. When you are looking for a new job, it’s good self-care to get plenty of rest and concentrate on keeping up your “interview mindset.” When your car is heading towards a wall, it’s good self-care to drop the cell phone and brake.

Yesterday I finished my preparation at work for a big audit session next week. I finished completely, early, and everyone who needed to be prepared said they feel prepared.

Self-doubt set in, but after about half an hour, I chose to accept the situation for what it really is: done and good enough. Doubt kept creeping back, so I decided to take action and gave myself a closing ritual of

  • summarize the completed activities
  • communicate this to my boss
  • leave work and rest for a few minutes
  • go out to dinner to celebrate

Resting was fun, since DH and I just read and chatted. Then we went to our favorite local joint and had beer, a hot dog, and onion rings. We left most of the onion rings, and DH had to finish my beer. No problem stopping when full or leaving food on my plate or with post-eating guilt.

Good self-care. It may not always come in the form of a bubble bath, but you should practice it every day.

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I’m still here, just swamped at work at the moment. Next week will be worse, then I get to start catching up on all of the “not important” things I get to do that I’m skipping at the moment.

Food is normal, maybe even a bit less than normal. I’m finding it ever easier to eat lightly, and to balance a larger meal one day with a lighter meal the next. Lately, my lunches have been salads with basalmic dressing, or just a bowl of soup, sometimes with a roll. No major problems with hunger either. Very intuitive, I dare say.

On an entertaining note, I’ve heard back from that cutie-patootie physicist, Neil DeGrasse Tyson. He responded to an email I sent him about Barbies and physics. He says he will be:

happy to henceforth explore creative ways of using Barbie dolls to experiment on the laws of physics.

Awesome! What a brain! What an open mind!

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Lars and the Real Girl

Suspension of disbelief – this is one thing I am really good at. Lars is even better. While I spent my childhood pretending my miserable world wasn’t so miserable, Lars found a way to do the same as an adult, and find his way out the other side.  Sweet movie, and well worth catching while in the theaters.

Suspension of disbelief is hard to do sometimes, but you don’t even notice you do it at other times. I willingly suspended disbelief when I made up a reason to apply for that last job, because I chose to believe it was set up for success. Contrarily, I also choose to ignore good news on occasion. Last week I sat in a Vice President’s office with my boss, and it was only when I heard them both say, in unison, “Don’t be so negative,” that I realized I was thinking negatively about something that didn’t deserve it.

What a friggin’ wakeup call – to hear the two people in the company upon whom I am most dependent for raises and interesting opportunities tell me to think more positively. I’m taking this feedback seriously, although this is one of those moments in which I wish I found Avoidance by Twinkie more attractive.

Still on my business trip, I’m finding it easy to choose to eat only the best, but hard to stop at normally full. That’s not quite true, I suppose it’s more that I eat a bit, then will eat again before I’m strongly hungry. It’s not a problem (I can stop any time I like – LOL) but I have noticed it.  Two more days of work, then a day’s travel and I’m back home.

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My miserable Monday ended on a tired note, but I’ve taken action to do things that are highly comforting.

It was a hard day at work, and I left late and exhausted. At home, a small glass of wine, covering up in my favorite blanket and curling up in a semi-fetal position all felt good. I even tried sucking my thumb, but it only felt good for about 15 seconds.

Then I rolled out the big guns. A toasted cheese and turkey sandwich for dinner, accompanied by Pride and Prejudice on DVD. Aaahhhhh.

Even my DD had a hard day. She called downstairs (yes, we are THAT lazy) and asked her daddy to go buy some favorite junk foods. He did, because she asked so nicely. Two kinds of ice cream, potato chips and little cakes. I decided to bake some frozen cookie dough so I have a few cookies to take on my flight tomorrow. I’m off to the US on a business trip, about a week in California.

This trip is different. I have far fewer “musts” when I get there: fewer foods to eat, fewer items to buy, fewer experiences to have. I’m even thinking about leaving my small suitcase at home, and not buying so much. We’ll see.

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Twenty minutes at work, and already I’ve given in to a pity party. There’s a whole pile of crap inside my head that I haven’t moved past yet, and it makes me sick to my stomach.

I’ve quickly turned on my upbeat music and that’s the only thing that’s helped since yesterday evening. Song 1: Don’t Worry About a Thing from SheDaisy, Song 2: Beautiful from Christina Aguilera. The tenseness in my stomach is relaxing.

I got upset over email, even though there’s nothing in it that’s disturbing. Last night I went through a bunch of photos from the past 5 years, trying to validate that my weight loss was visible. I could not see it, but it’s 50 pounds, for God’s sake! It ought to be visible.

Song 3: That’s Life from Michael Buble.

My excess weight once served me very well. It was protection and comfort rolled into one. Now it’s absolutely in the way of what I want. Fine, it’s coming off, but I’m greedy in wanting more loss faster. There’s only one way to come to that point, and that is to get my mind to take off another layer of whatever it is that keeps me eating enough to lose only slowly.

It’s remarkable how much other people are affected by your looks. Just looking “normal” makes you more accessible, and people judge you less. I believe I’ll upgrade my wardrobe a little to fit in wardrobe-wise, even if I’m larger than most.

I’m sensitive to feeling judged lately, because I had a meeting with someone who was just full of intense anger about the fact that I am better at his job than he is. Funny how people (me included) can become defensive in situations like that. I just sat in that meeting and listened, challenging him only when I felt I needed to. Looking back on the conversation, I see that he took every criticism I made very personally, telling me it was impossible to do the things I know are both possible and necessary. Poor guy, I pity him to some extent. He took my plan to improve things as an attack, and didn’t hear a word. Maybe he’ll turn around in a few months. Maybe not. That’s his problem. I’ve currently written his department off in terms of my helping them get better (a big part of my job).

I also get these crappy feelings when I don’t know how to do something, and this one’s important in terms of how much raise I get in February. I have to be able to verbalize my achievements but I have a hugely hard time claiming “I did x” when I didn’t do it all the way alone. I’m at the point this year where I’m just going to accept a lower raise and work on improving this skill next year.

Song 6: Enough is Enough, Barbra Streisand and Donna Summer.

Back to work.

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